Handbook

Mothers' Voices is committed to assisting parents in their role as primary educators about sexuality. Our research has shown that many parents would like help in this area. We are pleased to announce the publication of "Finding Our Voices: Talking with our Children about Sexuality and AIDS." The following excerpt is a sample of some practical advice on sexuality education in the home.

Ensuring Two-Way Communicating

How many times have you heard your child say, "You're not listening to me"? Here are some tips for improved parent-child communication:

  1. Review your values about sexuality; think about how you want to present these to your child in a positive way. He or she will appreciate your honesty.

  2. Learn the basic facts about sexual health, reproduction, HIV, and safer sex. This way you can discuss the facts at a level the child can understand, you can define any words or terms that may be confusing, and you can feel more confident about questions they may have.

  3. If the subject doesn't come up, don't wait. You can start the conversation. A good time to talk is when neither of you has other things to do, like while watching TV, riding in the car, or doing chores. Don't get distracted by the telephone or other people wanting your attention during this time.

  4. Check your child's knowledge about sexuality and HIV/AIDS first. For example, if she or he asks you what a "period" is, ask, "What do you think it is?" Encourage curiosity by saying, "That's a good question!" Give your child a chance to talk with you about his or her thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

  5. Allow your child to finish talking before you respond. Maintain eye contact. Listen to your child. It is important for you to hear what he or she has to say. Communicating with teens can be challenging. Try to find ways in which you can disagree but respect what the other is saying.

  6. Give simple reasons. Replace vague terms such as "sex" with specific terms describing particular behaviors.

  7. Ask for feedback-- "Is that what you were asking?" Remain open to follow-up questions -- "Is there anything I didn't answer that you may have some concerns about?"

  8. Show you value your child's thoughts by asking open-ended questions that allow them to explore their own feelings. Questions starting with "What would you do if...," or "What do you think of...," or "How do you feel about..." keep the dialog open.

When a child doesn't talk very much, it doesn't necessarily mean that she/he is not hearing you. This can be frustrating, but it's not the end of communication.

If you find that you need to feel more comfortable about discussing the subject of sexuality, it may be helpful to talk this through with someone you trust, such as a family member, friend, another parent, clergy member, or health care provider.

Teachable Moments

All Children have questions about sexuality and what it means in their lives. They have tough decisions to make.

Teaching children how to reduce their risks around sexual behavior really involves some of the same lessons you teach when you set limits in other areas of home life.

For example:

  • Enforce household rules consistently, so children understand the concept of boundaries.

  • Try to work through problems as a family, to show that it's possible to find solutions to tough issues.

  • Show your child how you take on new challenges -- your child can learn confidence by observing how you handle uncertainties.

  • Demonstrate assertiveness skills by showing that you can stand up for your beliefs by expressing disagreement directly, immediately, and without violence.

    There are constant opportunities for communication. Television, newspapers, and school events are full of situations that encourage dialogue about sexuality. Be aware of what your child is -- or is not -- being taught in school. Analyzing the world around you together will help develop your child's critical thinking skills. Offer your own commentary and ask your child for his or hers.

  • Look for programs that responsibly cover some of the tough issues such as AIDS, drug abuse, and sexuality. Even more important is watching TV with your children.

  • You can help them to process the information they see by talking to them about the programs. In this way children may be more likely to think about their environment, not just be influenced by it.

"Finding Our Voices: Talking With Our Children About Sexuality and AIDS" is available by calling us at 305-347-5467 or by writing to Mothers' Voices at 150 W Flagler, Suite 1820, Miami, FL 33130. Individual copies: $5.00

Darlene Glasser, R.N., B.S., Community Health Educator, NY